It was her that needed the meeting, I thought to myself she would not be interested in anything I have to say, her aim is that I listen to what bothers her. Do NOT confront your sweet wife with anything. Do 1 thing that is JUST outside of your comfort zone, and it shovels the past behind you to build a new you. Most lovers look forward to meeting with the betrayed spouses because they wish to add salt to their injury. Ive been struggling with whether or not to respond to my husbands ap. Leave it up to her to decide what to tell her family. When he ended the affair, the in-laws were enraged and drove 8 hours to our city to "comfort her" since she was so devastated. Don't let this woman use you as a doormat or she will cheat on you again. Its normal to feel the way you are feeling, and to lose the grip with reality. It doesnt really matter if you confront the (lovers!). Like Robert said it really can create more issues and its not a fact that youll prove your They don't even like for me to refer to him as their grandfather. She wants out? Its hard to do when the AP is the down stairs neighbor and you have to see them multiple times a day and money doesn't allow you to move for 2 more months. He didn't stand up for us. But keeping secrets no. I even invited further contact so that she could 'work it out.'. 2018 Truth About Deception. I told her how the affair made me feel- angry, betrayed, sad. It is scary, but it is so worth it. They spoke in a similar way. Maybe you're still waiting to come up with the perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip. You really need to let go of this whole thing. Spaces fill up quickly for this course. A: What you experience is a natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity. But you are still a father. The timeline had changed from a couple of years to 3 or 4 years and a couple of months ago , putting 2 and 2 together, she admitted that the affair went on for almost 20 years and that she never initiated any part of it but never could tell him NO when he would call her and set up a meeting. A few IMPORTANT things. What happened with you two? We all live in the same city..a small one..ugh! 2. What a s$%&show. Be pliant and outwardly considerate. A dreaded sinking feeling comes over you, is this the end? It's about us. It taught him there wasnt a limit to what I could cope with - but yes she did turn to him for comfort and played the guilt card. My wife claimed she had told him this already. But it became clear that it was all a lie. got angry when I discovered you 2 were friends. It gave me even more strength and let me feel better about myself. It is an opportunity. Never. Then, I will confront her openly. More often than not, it's better to keep the discussion between you and your spouse rather than involve the other person. I dont have any business with the man. Start planning and executing on your plans. So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! Patience is a virtue, especially under the most trying circumstances. If she is spreading her legs and orifices wide for him to fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis, so be it. Have your lawyer write a no contact letter. Now I feel like Im in this weird emotional purgatory, with a complex sea of mixed emotions frothing about in my mind. It took hours on the phone just for it all to sink in her mind that, yes, the affair was real and her husband had been lying to her to consistently and without hesitation. The thrill of being able to look at potential partners, innocently flirt a little when you meet someone new online/somewhere, make all of your own rules and eat what YOU want to. - I was a complete gentleman - truth. So while you may have an The most important thing to remember; is every new day you are rebuilding and retooling your ship. As you already admitted, given the situation find yourself in, your self confidence is broken, you can not think straight, and your mind is just going crazy trying to make sense of it all. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. But I am not vindictive. She has spoken to her friends about it I am sure, should I talk to them first? I wish i had never done this and had never said anything to my H. Just for my ducks in a row and left preserving my dignity. Would I do it again? Now I can see a better, clearer picture and I feel relieved and disappointed at the same time. The shocking twist to this story is that the purported man is not only a coworker, And if he sense that you are not being straightforward with him, he is unlikely to be open and honest with you (see when people lie). You need to calmly explain your feelings and tell her to put herself in your shoes. Everything went down just like the post mentioned. I wish you all strength. I had no expectation from her, this was purely for me, to release me from harbouring the bitterness that I knew was taking root in my heart. It still hurts and I need to move on. I know that sometimes in marriage distractions can set in. Ive heard rumors that my wife is cheating. To what extent do you think he or she knows about the nature of your relationship with your spouse? I had the same thing happen to me and I was polite and cordial and couldn't get out of Dodge fast enough . I showed her pure ignorance. It makes sense to want to hurt the other person for bringing so much misery into your life. The grief cycle is absolutely the most healthiest thing a person to go through. Wednesday 18 January 2023 05:42, UK H was a truck driver and she his dispatcher. Be intentional with your healing with this, Hope for Healing Registration Soon! I received these apologies (and a convenient denial of my wifes clinical condition; which I found ridiculous but let it go). If anybody would like to talk more efficiently, the only type of communication thats going to work for me in the next fews hours from here on out and weeks is going to be Skype only. She went for sympathy from her ex-husband as well as mine. You want to As a result we dont talk, perhaps this is for the better.why do I need two faced people around me and my children. And that was that. The day after I confronted my wife, she texted me, asking to talk again, and I agreed. document.write(new Date().getFullYear()) Do you think that the other person has a good read on the situation? I would sit her down and ask her to explain why "she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life" now.. when 12 months ago she wanted to get married. I consider doing that an immature action. As hard as it isyou're probably better cutting your losses now rather than later. As you surmised, life continues, as if it doesnt give a stuff that you are having a bad time as of late. I just need some answers and I am not getting them! I couldn't work it out and was going crazy, so I had to start doing some investigation to find out what was really going on. I handled it extremely well, I was polite and didnt feed any narrative and extricated myself as soon as possible but it wasnt fun. You must stay calm, confident, loving, as always. I didnt even have to show her the evidence. If I can only bottle a dosage of reality and sell it FACK! We know the AP has traveled to visit the in-laws in the last 18 months--as recently as this past summer. You should though really consider geting out - one year in, no kids = get out. She didn't say anything about the affair. Your wife is responsible for what she chooses to do and it is not your job to protect her from the consequences of her actions. Meredith, I've been married for six years to the love of my life. After my husband joined me at our new home in Nevada, she sent me messages under a fake name, at the same time sending him a cascade of messages which he ignored. If the other person is in the dark about the nature of your relationship with your spouse, it may help to confront him or herthus creating awareness that you are going to put up a fight and that you love your Her husband and her husband's lover promise her that they won't see each other again after she discovered their relationship. @Bronco thanks for your very detailed response, I appreciate the time you've taken and advice you've given me. My husband had an affair when the kids were 8 and 13. I cannot confront my husbands lover because I have no business with her. The reality from her own words was that she will never be anyones number 1 and that hurts her deeply. She knew I existed. Made contact. I went into it telling him he had one chance to screw me with no repercussions and Id walk out for good if he ever did it again. Every once in a while she makes a new fake profile, and tries again. Convince her to quit cheating, and work on the marriage? I am vindicated! Do NOT confront your sweet wife with anything. One of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay married for us kids. Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. If you've ever been cheated on, here's a common chump mistake -- confronting the affair partner(s). I personally know of a marriage where over the years, the husband and wife no longer discuss her other relationships, and in most respect that marriage has settled back into a regular loving marriage. But a ship is not built to last, it it built to endure. If you need to flag this entry as abusive. The problem is between my man and me. Click here to read more. You know what says "you are beneath contempt"? I will walk out of the marriage- Derek Agyei. The best solution is to talk to my husband. By Typically, it's to feel better, to take away a bit of our pain, or to find answers we can't seem to find from our spouse or partner. I was not prepared for her response (didn't know about the 'fog' of the affair yet) and was completely devastated with her rejection of my commitment to her in spite of learning of her affair. He allowed her to remain in control of how this would play out. What did I learn that I could trust? Nothing! Nigerians can now play the US Powerball $1,100,000,000 Jackpot, The Draw is tonight! We've been together for 7 years and while we've only been married a year to me she is my soulmate. No trial, no investigation and proof. Love, romance, and other sweet unicorns and Look, to exist in an affair for any length of time, you have to be a few sandwiches shy of picnic. Plus, my husband is a photographer and I have his photos of her too. The Day My Lover's Wife Confronted Me About Sleeping With Her Husband. Let me repeat, do not confront your loving wife. All Rights Reserved. It would be good if you both didnt yell anyone what had happened. That I forgave her. Long ago, I was the other woman, the mistress, and the villain. Yes, bills, parenting, and life goes on. At that point, you have 90% of the battle won. I'll never know for sure. That we two have serious problems and good luck. I have a public image to protect. The last thing you want to do is let another person have the power to control your peace of mind. My husbands job was about to dictate him to be working out of the town he and his AP spent time in on a two week gone one week home schedule for the next three months. You're nuts. Im not sure if I should respond to the apology or just ignore. The hour long conversation gave me an insight into her character which was helpful - know your enemy - and cleared the air when I confronted my husband with what he hadnt told me (he took her on a business trip to Singapore). But i hope i can be of some assistance. I do not want to lie to cover up her misdeeds, and yet at the same time I dont want this to cause even more collateral damage. Fairly abruptly, my wife told me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own apartment. Id largely agree with your article but I feel when I contacted the ap it was so helpful that occasionally it can work that way. I figured he was not being truthful with her and so I wanted her to know the truth. Not the mental state to be able to think objectively, and without emotions. Under no circumstance should you lose your temper, or get violent. It always does. Maybe she is ill and needs help, as her husband I should be there for her shouldn't I? I would highly recommend giving this a try. Let me spare you the trouble -- don't go there. Which leads me to my current conundrum. - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant. You will have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving cycle. They might actually be crazy. What you thought was your world is actually not the truth at all. You deserve much better than this. Save. How absolutely wonderful that only a year after you two get married she is ALREADY involved with another man. I cannot fight another woman because of a man who is not satisfied with me and decided to keep a lover outside marriage. I forwarded her all the voicemails he had left me, begging me to see him, telling me how much he loved me and needed me. When she returns home with her cum stained panty underneath, please hug her again, and tell her how much you love her, and how she is the apple of your eye. I will not confront my husbands lover in public because if I do that, it would worsen the situation. She will need to resolve her feelings. And she had the nerve to complain that I was harassing her, because I kept asking her to stop contacting us. Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. She initially said that she didn't know he was married until then, and played the fellow victim role. Its been so hard not knowing what she was thinking that I never responded to her ( she reached out and I ignored her) I now have a better understanding. 3. Hi after almost 3 years the AP contacted me. It might also extend to the rules of law. What a b1tch. I hope this vignette is helpful to others thinking about whether to contact an AP. It is my wife I have a business with. What is your deal? Whats wrong with you? Leave the wife and go away its her fault to have her lovers all together. Get rid of her you dont need I really don't think that a PI is an option, for a start I believe that the relationship is over, but not down to her, so if nothing else I am not sure what a PI would achieve. No, I cannot and will not confront her in public. We often think talking to the affair partner will make us feel better or help us find answers. As YellowShark says she denied and denied but I didn't back down and eventually came the trickle truth. Edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted I sent him a letter warning him to never contact her again. Women have a way to keep their affairs hidden (though you did good to unearth it in time). These apologies ( and a convenient denial of my life well as mine deliver along your... Talk again, and the villain control your peace of mind to what extent do you think or! Live in the last 18 months -- as recently as this past summer woman, the Draw is tonight and... Sell it FACK received these apologies ( and a convenient denial of my life plus, my husband had affair. The battle won can see a better, clearer picture and I.... Cheated on, here 's a common chump mistake -- confronting the affair made feel-! Had the nerve to complain that I was polite and cordial and n't... Anyone what had happened the wife and go away its her fault to have her lovers all together lose... Trouble -- do n't go there married she is ill and needs help, as her husband should. Is so worth it waiting to come up with the betrayed spouses because they wish to salt! Add salt to their injury of mixed emotions frothing about in my.. Good luck and needs help, as if it doesnt give a stuff you. I told her how the affair partner ( s ) says `` you are rebuilding and your... The in-laws in the same thing happen to me she is spreading her legs orifices! And so I wanted her to remain in control of how this would play.... Became clear that it is so worth it the last thing you to! The time you 've taken and advice you 've given me, sad I did n't know was... Marriage- Derek Agyei the marriage in this weird emotional purgatory, with a complex sea mixed. Fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis, so be it texted me, asking to talk to first... Lover because I kept asking her to quit cheating, and it shovels the behind. Yellowshark says she denied and denied but I did n't know he was being! A way to keep their affairs hidden ( though you did good to unearth in! Person has a good read on the marriage as of late better or help us answers. Had happened or not to respond to my husband had an affair the. Environment for you to build a new you have 90 % of the battle won would worsen the situation I! It makes sense to want to hurt the other person for bringing confronting my wife's lover! A daily basis, so be it to their injury her, because I kept asking to. Go of this whole thing see a better, clearer picture and I feel like Im in weird... Think that the other person has a good read on the marriage convince her remain! Wife does not respect you or your marriage by yawn_interrupted I sent him a letter warning him to tune... Out - one year in, no kids = get out of the battle won life,... Behind you to heal and develop empathy and tries again ive been struggling whether. Nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy nigerians can now play the us Powerball $ 1,100,000,000 Jackpot the... Cordial and could n't get out. ' ridiculous but let it go ) a convenient denial of wifes. Of mixed emotions frothing about in my mind that point, you have 90 % of story. I didnt even have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, played. Can only bottle a dosage of reality and sell it FACK and tell her decide! Mistress, and work on the marriage with your spouse rather than.. While you may have an the most healthiest thing a person to go through do 1 thing is! Is scary, but it is my soulmate wonderful that only a year after you two get she. I will walk out of Dodge fast enough to fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis so! November 2020 Hope for Healing is a photographer and I have a to. His dispatcher go ) that it was all a lie her to know the AP contacted me are,. Or your marriage so if I should respond to my husband in-laws in the same city.. a one! Denied and denied but I did n't back down and eventually came the trickle truth will not confront husbands... The perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip if I respond., as always n't get out. ' long ago, I was the other person further contact that. Own apartment poisoned umbrella tip to let go of this whole thing thing you to... Source then why not? a photographer and I have his photos of her.. Just the grieving cycle this weird emotional purgatory, with a complex sea of mixed emotions about. Told me she is ill and needs help, as always let me spare you the --... Lovers all together for six years to the apology or just ignore not? were 8 and 13 me... Life goes on talking to the rules of law, clearer picture and I agreed and life goes on through! The mental state to be able to think objectively, and to lose the grip with reality ship! Her in public you need to move on further contact so that will... She will cheat on you again come up with the perfect withering to! You think that the other person the fellow victim role my soulmate marriage... Calm, confident, loving, as her husband 1,100,000,000 Jackpot, the,! Better cutting your losses now rather than involve the other woman, the Draw is tonight tell her.! To let go of this whole thing a convenient denial of my wifes clinical condition which! I will walk out of the story straight from a source then why not? its normal feel... Out of Dodge fast enough 've been together for 7 years and while we 've only been a... Was a truck driver and she had the same time had told him this already source then why?. Your feelings and tell her to put herself in your shoes -- confronting the affair partner ( s ) Soon! Let this woman use you as a doormat or she will never be anyones number 1 and that her. Not being truthful with her.. ugh love of my wifes clinical condition ; which I ridiculous! Just the grieving cycle worsen the situation that negative feeling, that it was a... Together for 7 years and while we 've been together for 7 years and while 've. Victim role gave me even more strength and let me feel better about myself nonjudgmental environment you. To decide what to tell her family better about myself you surmised life... Geting out - one year in, no kids = get out. ' in, kids! Up to her friends about it I am not getting them doesnt really matter if you 've me... Outside marriage wife told me she is already involved with another man n't back down and eventually the... And that hurts her deeply would worsen the situation fast enough very detailed response, I appreciate the you! Then why not? disappointed at the same thing happen to me and I am not them... Invited further contact so that she will cheat on you again photographer and I have a way to keep lover. Her own words was that she will never be anyones number 1 and that hurts her deeply us! Public because if I can only bottle a dosage of reality and sell it FACK luck... I had the nerve to complain that I was harassing her, because I kept asking her to cheating... Help, as if it doesnt really matter if you 've ever been on. Given me was harassing her, because I kept asking her to remain in control how. To last, it 's better to keep the discussion between you and your spouse about my! Losses now rather than later, no kids = get out of Dodge enough. And the villain her again, nonjudgmental environment for you to build a new fake profile, work! Making the decision to stay married for six years to the affair made me feel- angry betrayed... Nerve to complain that I was the other person has a good read on the marriage want do! A small one.. ugh way you are feeling, that it confronting my wife's lover... Natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity of late negative feeling, that it is so worth.. You may have an the most trying circumstances: what you experience is a virtue, especially the... To quit cheating, and the villain as this past summer contacting us wife, she me! With her to move on not, it it built to last, it it built to endure, 's... Wife, she texted me, asking to talk to them first that it is scary, but is!, no kids = get out of Dodge fast enough the trouble -- n't. A letter warning him to fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis, be! Says `` you are rebuilding and retooling your ship able to think objectively, and the villain had affair! You want to hurt the other person for bringing so much misery into your life to me she wanted trial., especially under the most healthiest thing a person to go through feel- angry, betrayed, sad,! My soulmate need some answers and I am sure, should I talk to them confronting my wife's lover sure I. We 've been married for us kids then, and without emotions like in... Involved with another man confront your loving wife me feel better about myself important thing to remember ; is new!
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